How do you do it?
October 22nd, 2010 § Leave a Comment
Someone I’ve always respected as a friend and brother in Christ asked me why I haven’t reached the brink of insanity in spite of all I’ve had to endure over the last two to three years of my life.
It really moved me, but I didn’t want to admit it so I went for the Hail Mary pass of all difficult conversations- stay really quiet and hope an inspired moment will transpire, allowing me to produce a most eloquent answer. You know, to appear profound as I usually do. (ha. ha.)
Humbling moment aside, I realized the truth when time and time again Biblical men have humbled themselves to accept that the great fortunes upon then are not to their own credit in spite of their natural ability or gifts, but of Another.
I really don’t know how I’ve managed to endure one setback after another, being constantly humbled, condemned, spat upon and regarded as something I’m not. I’m a talented at what I do- I’m brilliant- I’ve everything it takes to excel at what I do for a living yet I am two years behind my peers. It’s a very bitter pill to swallow, to watch people I used to regard as equals move far ahead of me while I flounder in this fate foist upon me by my own misgivings.
It’s painful enough to watch lesser men overcome the hurdles that have caught me, let alone their looking back at me with their forked tongues hurling spittles of flame at me over their shoulders.
It’s not nice. I hate it. It’s why I feel so inadequate deep within.
In fact, I sometimes wonder why I still bother with living life. I sometimes wake up wondering why there’s any point to go on.
How do I do it?
I have no idea, but I know who does.
(NIV) Luke 24:26: Was it not necessary that the Christ should suffer these things and enter into his glory?”
I don’t seek glory, unparalleled success or respect. I only seek normalcy. I want to scrape through and be left alone. To be left alone to my own devices. Away from the laughter at my pride’s expense. Away from the scorn, the hatred, the belittling, the pain of constant patronizing unsolicited advice, the agony of holding back tears as the world reminds me how humble I really am.
Surely, a mere man can have his pithy desires granted?
I wake up every day, knowing that I have before me someone who has endured more pain and sorrow than I could ever imagine yet has made it to tell the tale to generations beyond him.
